The amount of information out there on the interwebs for first time moms is plentiful. So many articles about what you really need and how to get the baby to sleep, how you should feed your baby and wear your baby and what you should look like 6 weeks after you have your baby. Do you see many articles out there for moms having their second or even third baby? Not so much. Why is that? Because, as those first time moms will learn soon enough, most of that information is bullshit.
So if it’s BS, why is there so much of it?
Partly because first time moms need it. With no prior experience having a baby, it’s a scary scary thing to go into blindly. And even if it’s crap that we NEED to have a birthing plan and an itunes playlist ready and a designer hospital gown, there is some kind of comfort in the internet telling us we do.
The real truth is birthing plans are a crap shoot, that itunes playlist could easily set you into a giant rage when you are contracting every 3 minutes for hours, and that gown? It’s probably going to get blood and poop on it.
Yes. You will probably poop. Yes, childbirth is a grossly messy thing, and no one cares. Because at the end you become a mother. In one nanosecond your life and entire being changes.
Once everyone knows you’re pregnant, people come out of the woodwork to give you advice. That you HAVE to get this or you HAVE to use this stroller or you MUST breastfeed. Most of the time it’s because they do want to be helpful, but also, once you survive that first year you feel sort of like an expert. You came out relatively unscathed so you must share your secrets. I get that.
For me, this is my 4th time being this pregnant and I’m about to bring a 3rd boy into my world. And I’m no freaking expert on how you should birth your baby. I don’t care if you breastfeed or bottle feed. I’ll be the first to tell you breastfeeding is freaking hard. And no one gives you that advice in those first time mom articles! I don’t care what kind of diapers you use or if you let your baby cry it out. I’m only an expert on my own kids. On my OWN body. I’m slowly becoming an expert in Pokemon as well, but that’s another story for another day. I’m definitely NOT an expert on your body or children. And neither is anyone else.
So why am I writing an article about advice for first time moms? Because my advice is simple. The wisdom I share is easy.
- If you are the kind of person that needs to read all the books and articles and feel as prepared as you possibly can be, then do that. And once you have read it all remember that childbirth is something you actually have NO control over. Either way, you’ll be fine.
- If you are the kind of person that would rather just wing it and reading all the information is too overwhelming and scary, than do that. You’ll also be fine.
- If you choose not to breastfeed, I support you and your baby will be fine.
- If you choose to breastfeed, I support you and your baby will be fine. (But don’t be surprised if it hurts like a mf-er, because it did for me!)
- No matter what choices you make as a mother of a newborn, do not let others opinions get inside your head. If you want help, seek it and know there is no shame in doing so. But know, I support you and your baby will be fine.
- If you feel like you don’t love your baby like you think you’re supposed to, you are not a bad mother. You may have postpartum depression and you need to seek help from your family, friends and medical professionals. But I support you and your baby will be fine.
- You are not a bad mother. Guilt and doubt are nasty little effers. Don’t let them creep in.
- Know that people will tell you to “enjoy every moment”, but there are many many moments that are not enjoyable. That is what’s normal.
Growing a human is not easy. Raising a human is even harder. You are strong and more powerful than you think. Trust.