Do you ask questions? Out loud? When you see something you’re trying to figure out do you ask about it? Or try to figure it out on your own in your head quietly? Do you have to figure out the answer or are you ok with never knowing some things? Have you always been this way?
I am the kind of person who is ok with never knowing some things. I think it’s such a child like quality, I sometimes wish I had it. And it wasn’t until recently after no fewer than 1.287 million questions were asked just over the summer months alone about things that I just don’t know the answer to. Or things I’m too exhausted to try to remember the answer to because the knowledge I once had about it is pushed so far back in my brain it would definitely take me a minute to find it. Yes, the kind of questions that come from a 3 and 5 year old. The ones that come one right after another without end in sight. Those questions. I’ve heard them all. At first I assumed I was just the bad mom or tired mom that just couldn’t muster up my shattered nerves to answer anything else. But then I started to think back when I was a kid. Was I this curious? Did I ask this many questions? I remember some times asking questions just to annoy my sisters, which I mastered, but I don’t especially remember being particularly curious. I was the kid who watched. Who would study what someone was doing and how they were doing it, and then I couldn’t wait to go home and be alone so I could practice whatever it was myself. Like braiding. I remember wanting to learn to braid so badly that I watched my mom and my oldest sister french braid and I started practicing myself. And I could do it. And then came cursive. I didn’t want to wait until the 3rd grade where they taught it (which I don’t even think they teach anymore), so I sat on the floor and used the piano bench as my desk and wrote out my name. Over and over in cursive. When I was 6. (Which gave me the false impression I had mastered it by the 3rd grade when I got busted forging my mom’s signature! True story!)
This is not me bragging about how awesome I was. If anything I’m wishing I was more the other kind of curious. The kind to just ask someone “how do I do that?” rather than taking so damn long to figure it out myself. And I wish I was that kind of curious as an adult! Man would it make things easier if I was someone to just ask for help!
The things kids are curious about, I’m not curious about anymore. I know why the sky is blue and what an asteroid is. I know about planets (well, not really, but I know enough), and elephants and how bees make honey. As I’ve grown I’ve continued to learn and be curious, but mostly about myself. The self-awareness I’ve learned over the last few years is both interesting and shocking to me. As not just a mother, but as a business owner, a woman, a wife.
I’ve started to ask myself curious questions out loud. When I’m alone of course so no one thinks I’ve completely lost it, but doing it out loud is important for me. Even asking myself “what do I want to do next?” “Do I even like this?” “Why did I do that?” and taking the time to stop and answer myself has made me understand myself so much more. This is probably something I should have done a long time ago…isn’t that what your 20’s are for? Figuring yourself out or something? I think I was too tipsy for that in my 20’s. But now I know the answer “no I do not actually like to wakeup with a wine headache”. 😉
Stay curious friends. If nothing else, it may make you feel like a kid again, and that’s never a bad thing.